=Simply Rowan Atkinson=

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

A simple blog entry, yet it means so much to me.

Honestly, I was overwhelmed with emotions when I read your blog entry. Do you think its worth it just by a mere blog entry? A blog entry in exchange for our friendship? If that is so, I really hoped I had deleted that entry earlier. The reason of why I did not do so is because I had actually thought you had read it before and was okay with it. But little did I expect that you had such a big reaction towards it.

Do you know the importance of friendship to me? Do you think I will feel better and in fact, happier when I saw what you had written? In fact, I felt a pang of guilt, sadness, and a bit of anger. Not angry with you, but angry at myself for losing a friend just like that. You may think I disregard you as a friend, but come on, you've already said friends are friends, and work is work. So you are severing ties with me JUST because of a work that we can't get over with?

I did not put this matter to heart anymore, and I am really surprised you did. Did you know that before I read your blog entry, I already predicted that you had read mine's from the expression and coldness treatment I received from you in school?
To be frank with you, I felt bad. REALLY BAD. I tried to ease our tension by hoping to strike a conversation with you, and even intended to smile, but what I received from you was just mere coldness.

If I don't regard you as a friend, will I feel this way? Will I still ponder over this matter? I really hope you are writing that blog entry because you are at the top peak of your anger, because if its me, I won't take friendship so easily even if I am pissed at my friend.

And do you know something? The long blog post which made you pissed, I was not entirely targeting at you. I was targeting at somebody else about the looking down part. I did not say this to clear my stand because I thought you had let this matter rest. Now, I witness that its becoming from bad to worse, which is the last thing I hope to see.

I really wanted to have a talk with you on MSN, but had second thoughts before I clicked your name. Its not that I did not have the guts to, but I fear you really did hate me to the extent of ignoring me. If you know me well, you should know I fear rejections.

Chloe, I really cannot stand the tension anymore. Its terrible and totally undeserving to end it just because of a blog entry which I had written at the peak of my emotions. If you look back, won't you think its a bit silly?

I wanted to keep that blog entry of mine's, because its my blog, and I would like to read it in the future as time flies. Its a virtual place where I store and write my feelings wholeheartedly, and really not meant to insult or using it to end friendship.
(In fact, you can ask Siying, I had told her before that I felt like deleting the entry. However, I did not, because I feel that I have the need to read back those entries in future.)

I tried avoiding thinking back of the happier times we had together, those close moments.
I know myself well. I will surely break down should I hog onto the memories.

We are both humans, I believe your heart is not that rock hard to do this to me? I admit, I may be wrong, but seeing that its resulting to such state, I have to clear my stand to clear all misunderstandings.

My earliest long blog entry IS NOT ENTIRELY targeting at you. In fact, the whole 90% is just about my feelings on that particular day, and I do not want to name any name(s). Probably you took the whole blog entry as a target at you?

Yes, I may be younger than you, but I am definitely not younger in mindset. I treat all friends as gifts of my life, and by leaving me, you are just taking back the gift? Sorry to say that gifts given out cannot be taken back. (Ok, I meant this as a joke, really.)

Chloe, I really wish to see your smile back again. Its gonna sound cheesy, but I cannot afford losing you. I'm writing this blog entry out of my fullest sincerity. I have pending test and homework currently yet to study, but I'm taking out an hour plus just to write this entry, hoping to... ... get you back as my friend.

Just a simple joke: A divorce paper needs both parties' signature in order to be a success. In this case, I am sorry to say that I am not signing it.

It definitely takes up a lot of courage to say a simple "Sorry", but I guess I owe you one.

Sorry.

我真係覺得好辛苦，無可奈何。難道我哋一年多以來嘅感情就咁樣破滅世？我唔知你到底有冇當我係你嘅朋友，但我希望你冇再將呢個事放在心上，因為我唔想搞到好似依家咁，几难做人。當你话你唔需要我呢种朋友嘅時後，我真係覺得好冇助。難道我係一個咁差嘅朋友？你有咩唔開心，可以同我講。。

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Name: Catherine
Singapore Polytechnic-DXDIP
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