=Simply Rowan Atkinson=

Friday, July 11, 2008

~Moody~

I don't know how to start off this post without making me look as though I'm gaining sympathy, but I really need someone and something to let me pour my feelings and thoughts out.
I suddenly feel as though half my life is crashing on me. Things seem to go downhill for me, and I am sure my friends dislike me now.

I think I'm a bit overstressed. Maybe?
I think I'm changing into a more boring and moody person with each every day. In fact, I've been on my moody side these two days and I am sure close friends around me will know.
I almost lose my face today when I suddenly felt the feeling to cry in school. I don't know why, but tears just started coming out uncontrollably. I tried hard to control as I did not want my friends to witness that. (Of course, I don't wish to make my friends feel bad too)

I'm sorry if I did not talk much today like I used to, but I was really in such a bad mood that I fear I may offend anyone or cry if I were to open my mouth to talk. This somehow spoils my image, but I couldn't control it. If I can be happy and smile, I definitely would. But I just couldn't make myself cheer up. I know, I'm bad at acting.

I tried to REMEMBER to stay happy, but I realised that its hard to suppress your moodiness into happiness. I think I am losing my friends one by one soon if this persists.
It may seem as though I am attempting to gain sympathy by writing this, but I just feel the need to blog my feelings out.

I couldn't simply bottle all my unhappiness up, for I will breakdown.
When I went back home today, I slept for a long time. This felt good as it made me forget the unhappiness and moodiness.

Lastly, a sincere SORRY to anyone whom I've offended these few days. I know I've been a hot-tempered person these days, and I'm really sorry. I hope my friends around me will understand. When one is in a bad mood, its quite impossible to have the "feeling" to do anything. I really miss the feeling of being HAPPY and CHEERFUL.

Will my friends hate me for this? But I really need you all to know that I REALLY, REALLY, do not mean it or whatever, and I seriously don't wish to make you all sad too. I understand the feeling. If my friend is feeling moody or sad, I will feel bad too. I don't want my friends to feel bad.
I have my reasons for not talking. I'm those who say things without using my brain to think when I'm feeling moody.

This made me guilty, especially today I had a project to do with my friends. I felt so useless, like an extra, with nothing to contribute. Maybe its because I'm inferior to them? I know I'm stupid, but is being born stupid wrong? I can see they are all pissed at me, but I wasn't really feeling well emotionally today in the first place.( Just that I never say out.) If I am given a chance to, I would love to contribute everything I know.

Maybe its my fault for being such a stuck-up and moody creature today? Maybe I should have hidden my feelings and act as though nothing happened... but can anyone teach me how to put on a happy face when you are sad?

My friends can be unhappy with me, but I'm unhappy, too.
And for those who look down on me, SOMETIMES ITS NOT THAT I DO NOT HAVE THE ABILITY TO DO SOMETHING, ITS BECAUSE I AM LAZY. I believe I can achieve the results I want if I put in effort.

Sorry.... for making you all feel offended or bad. I will try to cheer up and return to my normal self soon. Hopefully.

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Name: Catherine
Singapore Polytechnic-DXDIP
A fan of Rowan Atkinson
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